Skip to content
Search

Latest Stories

Add Upworthy to your Google News feed.
Google News Button

Children thrive in environments where they feel safe, secure, and loved. But when these feelings are unpredictable, it can create lasting emotional harm. Dr. Kim Sage, a licensed psychologist from Newport, California, has popularized the term "eggshell parenting" to describe this dynamic. Through her TikTok channel (@drkimsage), she has shared hundreds of videos explaining how eggshell parenting affects children and their future relationships.

What is eggshell parenting?

Eggshell parenting occurs when a child's emotional environment is dictated by a parent's unpredictable outbursts. Dr. Sage explains that this forces children to be constantly on high alert, suppressing their natural emotions and behaviors to avoid triggering a negative reaction. "Eggshell parenting and emotionally unpredictable, unsafe parenting often creates a lifetime of hypervigilance in us and a deep belief that there’s no such thing as real safety in relationships," she says.


She identifies key behaviors associated with eggshell parenting, including:

  • Emotional unpredictability
  • Isolation
  • Yelling and name-calling
  • Guilt-tripping and blame
  • Parentification (forcing children into adult roles)
  • Destroying a child’s personal possessions

"The parent’s mood is like being on a roller coaster. You never know what to expect."

— Dr. Kim Sage

The long-term impact of eggshell parenting

Children raised in an eggshell environment often struggle with deep-seated anxiety, trust issues, and emotional isolation. Sage describes how many people who had emotionally unpredictable parents now find themselves struggling in adulthood, asking: "If you had an eggshell mother, or primary caregiver, who was chronically angry, yelled a lot, had no boundaries, and was unpredictable emotionally... how is your raging anxiety, lack of trust, tendency to isolate when you feel deeply emotional going?"

"...how is your raging anxiety, lack of trust, tendency to isolate when you feel deeply emotional going?"

— Dr. Kim Sage

These children grow up learning that love is conditional. They often experience "intermittent reinforcement," meaning that their parents mixed moments of kindness with moments of emotional harm. As a result, they become hyperaware of shifts in others’ emotions and may struggle to feel safe in relationships.

The cycle of eggshell parenting

Sage explains that when children of eggshell parents receive positive attention, they anticipate that something bad will follow. "Even though I get the good love, I know the bad love is coming," she says. This creates a painful pattern where they feel safest when they are alone.

"The only time we are truly safe is when we are alone."

— Dr. Kim Sage

This emotional pattern can carry into adulthood, affecting friendships, romantic relationships, and even parenting styles. Psychologist Kelsey M. Latimer explains that eggshell parents often don’t intend to harm their children, but their lack of awareness leads them to repeat destructive behaviors.

Psychologist Diana Baumrind first identified different parenting styles in the 1960s, classifying them as authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive. Eggshell parenting falls under authoritarian parenting, which is characterized by strict rules, emotional unpredictability, and a lack of warmth.

Threats are often a tool used by eggshell parents. Trauma therapist Shari Botwin recalls a case where a mother threatened to kick her teenage daughter out of the house if she cut her hair. These types of threats instill deep fear and insecurity in children, making them feel like love and stability are conditional.

Breaking the cycle

For those who grew up with eggshell parents, healing is possible. Recognizing the emotional patterns and working through them—often with the help of therapy—can help break the cycle. Many parents are now making conscious efforts to raise their children differently.

Some people have shared their gratitude for parents who avoided this toxic cycle. "I just wanna get on here and say love my mom for not being like this. She is not perfect but loves and has loved me unconditionally," wrote one TikTok user.

Others have reflected on their parents' struggles. "Sometimes I sit back & wonder, what happened to my mom to make her be this way. One day I’d like to sit down with her and talk about this. Maybe," another person added.

"From my experience, walking on eggshells is a deep root of lacking self-validation."

— @mfoxhunter

Breaking free from the effects of eggshell parenting takes time and self-awareness, but it is possible. For those struggling, therapy, self-reflection, and open conversations about childhood experiences can be powerful tools in reclaiming emotional safety.

A path toward healthier parenting

Raising children in a stable, emotionally safe environment is one of the greatest gifts a parent can provide. By recognizing the signs of eggshell parenting and working to change these patterns, parents can foster trust, security, and unconditional love in their children.

If you or someone you know has experienced the effects of eggshell parenting, seeking support from mental health professionals can be a transformative step toward healing.

More For You

A man and woman kissing in the kitchen

Welcome to the "Boy and Girl apartment" trend

Unsplash

Women living in beautiful apartments share their secrets to co-habitating with a boyfriend

Blending styles can be difficult. Naturally, when two or more people are brought together, their visions aren’t always going to mesh. Like getting a haircut then realizing, after they spin you around for the big reveal, that your barber actually didn’t “totally get” the inspiration photo you brought in. Or teaming up with some friends for a group project in school who you didn't realize were petrified of public speaking. Or, take One Direction for example. Five solo singers who at didn't get along at all at first, brought together only after Simon Cowell corralled them all into a boy band.


Keep ReadingShow less
airport, flying, airport travel
person standing with holding luggage bag

Psychologist reveals exactly why everyone acts weird at airports

Fewer places bring out weirder human behavior than airports. Sleeping on floors? Acceptable. Paying $8 for a bag of chips? Acceptable. And 9 a.m. beers? Totally acceptable. Time (and personal space) seems to suspend itself when you're traveling in them. And psychologist Steve Taylor, a Senior Psychology Lecturer at Leeds Beckett University, explained exactly why everything and everyone feels so weird when you're in an airport with The Conversation.

Simply put: airports cause disorientation. "Due to the haziness of time and place, airports create a sense of disorientation," he explains. "We define ourselves in terms of time and place. We know who we are in relation to our daily routines and our familiar environments. We also define ourselves in terms of nationality. Without such markers, we may feel adrift."

Keep ReadingShow less
10-year-old violin prodigy stuns airport travelers with flawless Vivaldi duet
Representative photo by Canva

10-year-old violin prodigy stuns airport travelers with flawless Vivaldi duet

A beautiful blend of talent, courage, and classical music left Rome Airport travelers in awe when a 10-year-old violin prodigy, Yeonah Kim (@yeonah_kim_violin on Instagram), performed an impromptu duet with pianist Julien Cohen. The duo’s breathtaking rendition of Vivaldi’s “Summer” turned the airport’s Terminal 1 into an unexpected concert hall, captivating both onlookers and millions of viewers online.

  Representative photo by Sebastian Mark | Unsplash 

Keep ReadingShow less
man in blue long sleeve shirt carrying baby in white onesie

Dad hacks!

Dad discovers hilarious new hack for calling his daughter downstairs

As every parent knows, getting your child to do the thing you want them to do can be an impossible, Sisyphean task. How can I get my child to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you’—and not just utter the words, but actually mean them? What could possibly entice them to help out more around the house? Is going to bed at a reasonable hour something kids actually do, or only an urban legend?

In a Reddit form on r/Parenting, @sabinesse1054 asked a question about the difference between productivity and pleasure.

Keep ReadingShow less
A mother scolds her child in a dim room.

Parents might be setting their children up for a lifetime of issues without ever realizing it.

Psychologist warns about 'eggshell parenting'—and why its effects last a lifetime

Children thrive in environments where they feel safe, secure, and loved. But when these feelings are unpredictable, it can create lasting emotional harm. Dr. Kim Sage, a licensed psychologist from Newport, California, has popularized the term "eggshell parenting" to describe this dynamic. Through her TikTok channel (@drkimsage), she has shared hundreds of videos explaining how eggshell parenting affects children and their future relationships.

What is eggshell parenting?

Eggshell parenting occurs when a child's emotional environment is dictated by a parent's unpredictable outbursts. Dr. Sage explains that this forces children to be constantly on high alert, suppressing their natural emotions and behaviors to avoid triggering a negative reaction. "Eggshell parenting and emotionally unpredictable, unsafe parenting often creates a lifetime of hypervigilance in us and a deep belief that there’s no such thing as real safety in relationships," she says.

Keep ReadingShow less