A kid asked a lesbian if she was a boy or girl, her answer is everything

Ash Beckham has built a reputation as one of the most compelling voices in LGBTQIA+ advocacy, not just because she's proud and out—but because she’s honest. Her speeches aren’t just for queer folks; they hit home for anyone who’s ever wrestled with a truth too hard to say out loud.

Reclaiming language and redefining pride

At IgniteBoulder, Beckham’s talk titled “I am SO GAY” wasn’t just a declaration of identity—it was a demand for change. She took aim at the phrase "so gay" as a casual insult and pushed back against the normalization of slurs in everyday speech. Her message was crystal clear: if we want to create change, we need to call things out when they’re wrong. “You can legislate tolerance—you can't legislate acceptance,” she said, reminding everyone that laws are just the beginning—hearts and minds are the real battleground.

"You can legislate tolerance—you can't legislate acceptance."

— Ash Beckham

It’s not just about being gay. It’s about being honest

In her viral TED Talk, “Coming Out of Your Closet,” Beckham expands her message far beyond sexuality. Her point? We all have a closet. Maybe it's about your identity, or your mental health, or something as everyday as quitting your job. “It is scary, and we hate it, and it needs to be done,” she says. Truth is truth, no matter what it’s about—and avoiding it never ends well.

“Are you a boy or a girl?” A pancake helps explain

Beckham tells a story that starts with a question many LGBTQ+ people hear far too often: “Are you a boy or a girl?” This time, it came from a little girl in a restaurant. Beckham could’ve shut it down—but instead, she opened up. “I’m more of a comfy jammies kind of a girl,” she explained, describing her short hair and “boy clothes.” The child nodded and replied, “My favorite pajamas are purple with fish. Can I get a pancake please?” And just like that, it was all fine. No tension. Just connection.

"My favorite pajamas are purple with fish. Can I get a pancake please?"

— a very wise little girl

The closet is no place to live

Beckham warns about the toll of silence. “Not having those hard conversations, that can go on for years, and your body just can’t handle that,” she says. Her recipe for stepping into your truth is simple and bold:

• Be authentic. Ditch the armor and show up as you.
• Be direct. Say it clearly. Don’t leave room for maybes.
• Be unapologetic. Your truth deserves air. Let it breathe.

"Be unapologetic. You are speaking your truth. Never apologize for that."

— Ash Beckham

She ends with a message for anyone watching and waiting: “There are others peering through the keyhole of their closets looking for the next brave soul to bust a door open.” You could be that person. And what a gift that would be—not just to them, but to yourself.