The 20 most common parenting delusions, and how fast they fell apart

If there is one guarantee about parenting, it's that there are *no guarantees* when it comes to parenting. Sure, most first-time parents fantasize about what it will be like to finally be parents. But the reality is often far from expectation–in good and bad ways–which is where humor and humility come in about parenting delusions.

Being a parent is the best job and the hardest job in the world--and these parents know that it can throw a curve ball in any and all of life's plans. Here are 20 of the funniest and most endearing responses to the question, "What was your parenting delusion you had before having kids?"

1. "I imagined reading stories to my six children, in our backyard on a blanket wearing matching outfits eating biscuits, while everyone sat quietly and happily. And there was a horse. Lol I was dumb." – Kitkatcreature

2. "I guess it never occurred to me that young kids/teens could be so chronically mentally unwell, and how much it would take to monitor that and attempt to keep them well." – anonymoususer37642

3. "My kid would be raised the same as I was, surrounded by family and playing with cousins. Yeah, never happened. Everyone moved away, including me, and just settled elsewhere." – AquasTonic

4. "I knew that having a baby meant you didn’t get a lot of sleep and I thought I was ready to manage that. But my son has a sleep disorder and the first 7 years of our lives (until we figured it out) were legit torture. As a newborn, he never slept (maybe 8 hours a day in spurts) and when he wasn’t sleeping, he was screaming. I’m 5”8 and I weighed 105 pounds by the time he was 5 months old because he was literally sucking the life out of me. I’ve never had to survive anything that tough." – huggle-snuggle

5. "lol I was one big ass delusion. Parenthood has HUMBLED me." – SassyPantsPoni

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6. "I thought if I was a good parent my kids would just behave lmao cries." – dazedstability

7. "That I wouldn’t feed him chicken nuggets on a regular basis." – Elebenteen_17

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8. "I thought my baby would be happy laying on a blanket near me while I did whatever. I didn’t know she would scream unless she was being held 99% of the time. I imagined story time would be her sitting quietly next to me while I read books. Not her grabbing the books, throwing the books, deciding half way through we should read a different book, and climbing on top of me and changing positions 20 times during a 5 page book. But I also had no idea how proud I could be of her, how her little voice singing could bring me to tears, or how absolutely amazing she could be. She drives me absolutely insane some days, but goodness she is the best." –garnet222333

9. "I thought I was gonna teach my kids to ✨breathe✨ and they were gonna be ✨emotionally regulated✨. In reality, I say 'okay!!! Smell the flowers, blow out the candle!!!!!' and their response is '🦖🦖🦅🦅🦅🌋🤬🤬🌋🤬🦖🦅🦅'" – fireflygalaxies

10. "I wouldn't always be an anxious wreck and that I would be better at it." – meekonesfade

11. "I thought I’d allow him to have 6-8 toys. My family room looks like a damn toy store. It’s insane." – LawyerBea

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12. "People often say that those without children are the most self-righteous and judgmental about how imperfectly parents raise their children. But this is not true. The most self righteous are those who have a fabulous first-born, and believe their parenting was the result of said perfection (versus genetics). Sadly, this was me. Enter karma, which necessitated a correction in my belief through my second child. I love him, dearly. And he has broken me many, many times." – dropthepencil

13. "That my kids would be cool and I’d be a cool parent and able to hang, like 'dinner’s at 8 at a restaurant, yeah, I’ll bring my kid along!' or to the music festival or whatever lol." – NectarineJaded598

14. "I imagined doing super cute arts and crafts with finger paints etc, but in reality my toddler screams at any instructions and just wants to squirt glue and play with the scissors while scribbling on everything." – muavip

15. "I thought my life would be kinda the same but with a baby strapped to me. That delusion was broken the first time I, a 5 foot tall woman, attempted to wash dishes while baby wearing." – meekonesfade

16. "I thought I could get work done on maternity leave, lol." – MoritaniMoritani

17. "I thought I would still be "me"... lol." – wopwopwop1234

18. "That I would magically come up with daily creative activities that my child would love. Turns out my brain is too sleep deprived to think of anything other than a trip to the park and reading the same books over and over again (by request.)." – ButterflyNDsky

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19. "I thought I would get to be the tooth fairy every time a tooth was lost….turns out my kids like ‘collecting their teeth’….so I am watching a pile of teeth collect. 🤣 There are no guarantees in parenting." – turtleblurb

20. "I imagined baby snuggles. My baby does not snuggle. He is too busy moving and looking around to snuggle. I'm crushed. But also happy that he takes such an interest in the world." – ItIsBurgerTime