Skip to content
Search

Latest Stories

Add Upworthy to your Google News feed.
Google News Button

Children thrive in environments where they feel safe, secure, and loved. But when these feelings are unpredictable, it can create lasting emotional harm. Dr. Kim Sage, a licensed psychologist from Newport, California, has popularized the term "eggshell parenting" to describe this dynamic. Through her TikTok channel (@drkimsage), she has shared hundreds of videos explaining how eggshell parenting affects children and their future relationships.

What is eggshell parenting?

Eggshell parenting occurs when a child's emotional environment is dictated by a parent's unpredictable outbursts. Dr. Sage explains that this forces children to be constantly on high alert, suppressing their natural emotions and behaviors to avoid triggering a negative reaction. "Eggshell parenting and emotionally unpredictable, unsafe parenting often creates a lifetime of hypervigilance in us and a deep belief that there’s no such thing as real safety in relationships," she says.


She identifies key behaviors associated with eggshell parenting, including:

  • Emotional unpredictability
  • Isolation
  • Yelling and name-calling
  • Guilt-tripping and blame
  • Parentification (forcing children into adult roles)
  • Destroying a child’s personal possessions

"The parent’s mood is like being on a roller coaster. You never know what to expect."

— Dr. Kim Sage

The long-term impact of eggshell parenting

Children raised in an eggshell environment often struggle with deep-seated anxiety, trust issues, and emotional isolation. Sage describes how many people who had emotionally unpredictable parents now find themselves struggling in adulthood, asking: "If you had an eggshell mother, or primary caregiver, who was chronically angry, yelled a lot, had no boundaries, and was unpredictable emotionally... how is your raging anxiety, lack of trust, tendency to isolate when you feel deeply emotional going?"

"...how is your raging anxiety, lack of trust, tendency to isolate when you feel deeply emotional going?"

— Dr. Kim Sage

These children grow up learning that love is conditional. They often experience "intermittent reinforcement," meaning that their parents mixed moments of kindness with moments of emotional harm. As a result, they become hyperaware of shifts in others’ emotions and may struggle to feel safe in relationships.

The cycle of eggshell parenting

Sage explains that when children of eggshell parents receive positive attention, they anticipate that something bad will follow. "Even though I get the good love, I know the bad love is coming," she says. This creates a painful pattern where they feel safest when they are alone.

"The only time we are truly safe is when we are alone."

— Dr. Kim Sage

This emotional pattern can carry into adulthood, affecting friendships, romantic relationships, and even parenting styles. Psychologist Kelsey M. Latimer explains that eggshell parents often don’t intend to harm their children, but their lack of awareness leads them to repeat destructive behaviors.

Psychologist Diana Baumrind first identified different parenting styles in the 1960s, classifying them as authoritarian, authoritative, and permissive. Eggshell parenting falls under authoritarian parenting, which is characterized by strict rules, emotional unpredictability, and a lack of warmth.

Threats are often a tool used by eggshell parents. Trauma therapist Shari Botwin recalls a case where a mother threatened to kick her teenage daughter out of the house if she cut her hair. These types of threats instill deep fear and insecurity in children, making them feel like love and stability are conditional.

Breaking the cycle

For those who grew up with eggshell parents, healing is possible. Recognizing the emotional patterns and working through them—often with the help of therapy—can help break the cycle. Many parents are now making conscious efforts to raise their children differently.

Some people have shared their gratitude for parents who avoided this toxic cycle. "I just wanna get on here and say love my mom for not being like this. She is not perfect but loves and has loved me unconditionally," wrote one TikTok user.

Others have reflected on their parents' struggles. "Sometimes I sit back & wonder, what happened to my mom to make her be this way. One day I’d like to sit down with her and talk about this. Maybe," another person added.

"From my experience, walking on eggshells is a deep root of lacking self-validation."

— @mfoxhunter

Breaking free from the effects of eggshell parenting takes time and self-awareness, but it is possible. For those struggling, therapy, self-reflection, and open conversations about childhood experiences can be powerful tools in reclaiming emotional safety.

A path toward healthier parenting

Raising children in a stable, emotionally safe environment is one of the greatest gifts a parent can provide. By recognizing the signs of eggshell parenting and working to change these patterns, parents can foster trust, security, and unconditional love in their children.

If you or someone you know has experienced the effects of eggshell parenting, seeking support from mental health professionals can be a transformative step toward healing.

More For You

Boyfriend critiques girlfriend’s ‘performance.’ She shut him down instantly.
Representative photo by Canva

Boyfriend critiques girlfriend’s ‘performance.’ She shut him down instantly.

Love isn’t a business transaction, but one boyfriend apparently didn’t get the memo. When one woman shared her story, the internet was left cringing and cheering her on after she dumped her boyfriend for giving her a performance review—just like a boss would with an employee. Instead of talking through relationship concerns like a normal person, he decided to critique her ‘performance’ as a girlfriend, complete with a folder of written notes. The reaction? Exactly what you’d expect.

The relationship audit no one asked for

The couple had been together for three years, living in a modest apartment that worked for them. According to the girlfriend, Mark always had quirks—like folding his socks into little balls and getting upset if she didn’t do it the same way.

Keep ReadingShow less

The Challenger disaster unfolded live on TV. Their last words remain unforgettable.

Space exploration has always carried great risks, but few tragedies have been as devastating as the Challenger disaster. On January 28, 1986, the STS-51L mission took off from Kennedy Space Center in Florida, carrying seven crew members who had trained for months for their journey into space.

Just 73 seconds after liftoff, the Challenger shuttle disintegrated, taking the lives of everyone on board. The last recorded words from the crew—spoken in the seconds before the explosion—have since become a chilling part of spaceflight history.

Keep ReadingShow less
A man handing over a tip.

Representative Image: Tipping used to more commonly known as a gratuity because that's what it meant.

Customer fights back after restaurant refuses to serve free tap water

Some restaurants have adopted automated payment systems that include mandatory gratuities, sparking debates about tipping culture. While many argue that tipping provides essential income for service workers, others believe restaurants should pay fair wages instead. A Reddit user, u/ilikesnark, recently shared a frustrating dining experience that reignited the discussion—this time over a restaurant's refusal to serve tap water.

In their post, titled "Waitress refused to give me water so I removed the 15% auto gratuity," the Redditor described the awkward situation. They had gone out to eat alone and noticed the restaurant’s policy of automatically adding a 15% tip to every bill. While ordering, they requested a glass of tap water, but the waitress instead brought a bottle of water. When the customer asked again for tap water, the waitress insisted they didn’t have any.

Keep ReadingShow less
For 27 years, she photographed her parents waving goodbye. The final shot is heartbreaking.
Representative image by Canva

For 27 years, she photographed her parents waving goodbye. The final shot is heartbreaking.

Saying goodbye to loved ones can be a tender, bittersweet ritual, especially when those goodbyes accumulate over decades. For photographer Deanna Dikeman—known on Instagram as @deannadikeman—documenting these moments became a powerful, long-term project. Over 27 years, she snapped photos of her parents waving farewell in their driveway, culminating in one final image that feels like a punch to the gut.

A 27-year tradition
What began in 1991 as a casual snapshot turned into an ongoing series Dikeman informally called “Leaving and Waving.” Every time she left her parents’ home, she would pause to capture them standing in the driveway, hands raised in a goodbye wave. In an Instagram post shared by @the.pinklemonade, her images spanned from the early ‘90s until October 2017. The collection is currently on display at Réseau L U X (@reseau_lux) in Paris.

Keep ReadingShow less
sad, sadness, emotional
a man holds his head while sitting on a sofa

Millennials discuss the impact of their parents lack of emotional support

Every generation has different parenting styles that have impacted their children's mental health and emotional intelligence. And when Reddit user u/Soup_stew_supremacy posed the question to r/Millennials: "Do any of you struggle to get emotional support from your parents?"–the response was robust.

"I'm not sure if it's because they weren't supported in some way, or just a generational thing, but myself, my husband and some of our friends and family members often lack emotional support from their parents," she shared. "My parents are in no way bad people, but they get really uncomfortable with feelings of any kind, and they pretty much just want to talk with you about surface-level stuff. If you tell them something that's been hard for you, they will say 'Oh, that sucks. So anyway...' I couldn't imagine trying to look to them for emotional or mental support, it would just be embarrassing and uncomfortable for us both."

Keep ReadingShow less