Parenting is a full-time job. Between preparing meals, doing laundry, hosting play dates, chauffeuring to practices and balancing professional careers–it's easy to lose touch with your spouse during long days. But keeping your marriage strong as parents when you're short on time and energy is possible.
Seeking ways to maintain closeness can be a relationship game changer for your marriage and family. Want to work on connecting with your partner? These are 21 of the best responses to the question, "How do you reconnect with your spouse at the end of each day?"
1. "Honest conversation, every night: what does each of you need? Physical intimacy is more than sex - cuddling or kissing can fill that need. Mental stimulation - I totally get that. Can you call a friend, a relative when your husband is too tired? Can the one who's more exhausted rest for a few minutes to recharge? And, as always, it will get better in time." – FrauAskania
2. "Sometimes, just a long hug. But, that’s my favorite!" – Hour-Caterpillar1401
3. "The first 2 YEARS we were pretty burned out / exhausted / touched out. We gave each other a lot of grace. But things DID improve. What's helped us is: 1) Having a space dedicated to US. We have a backyard sauna & love meditating in there together. Outside in a garden in the summer. A nook in the house. We see these spaces as sacred - no arguing there. This helps ground us. And then we are in the mood (literally we need reconnection space 15 to 20 min). This is where we genuinely ask: how are you? 2) Sometimes being intimate is way easier in the morning but mornings are hard. We now have a babysitter come on Saturday mornings & that's our time. Also when kids go to school." – Sad-Instruction-8491
4. "You just do. It doesn't need to be pornstar sex. A shower together, some lazy sex here and there is more than enough at this stage. Same goes for him. He doesn't need to discuss whatever scientific breakthrough but simple conversations about day to day stuff (not complaining about work). But it has to be one and one. One thing he's interested in and one thing you're interested in. When ours were younger, went through the same lull. I was patient, never initiated, didn't complain till about 18 months. When at 18 months I saw things weren't getting better, simple discussion that led no where. So I made myself busy to the point where we went months without any intimacy and no discussion about anything not kids or bill related. This is how many people end up as roommates." – MMM1a
5. "You have to try and keep some in the tank for each other. Take some quick self care breaks when you can throughout the day. Remember you two are the pillars of your own family now. How you two Interact is how your child will learn what a relationship is. If you have someone you trust to leave the baby with try and get away for dinner. Keep dating. Parenting is fun and beautiful, but temporary your marriage is forever." – THATTGUY78
man in white polo shirt kissing woman in white shirt
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6. "We’ve stopped waiting until the end of the day and started sending reels back and forth throughout the day instead. Sometimes they are funny, sometimes it’s the sweet ones, sometimes it’s the ones that hit a little harder and start a conversation. My husband also speaks to me in song. He’s not good at communicating his emotions so he sends me songs instead. It’s his way of telling me he’s thinking about me throughout the day. It helps keep us engaged with each other while we go about our work so we don’t have to try so hard at the end of the day when we are both exhausted." – FLMountain_Mama
7. "Before our kids go to bed, me and my husband discuss what we'd like to do once they are in bed. He will make it clear if he wants alone time, or if he wants to spend time with me. I will make it clear if I'm too tired to do anything, or if I want to spend time with him. Usually we'll cuddle up in bed, either watching TV or just having a chat about our day and other important things. Sometimes it may lead to sex, sometimes it doesn't. We just go with the flow really. Time together and alone time are really important for both parents. So definitely talk about yours and his needs every night so you both know what you both want to do." – Zoshii1502
8. "Our kids are asleep by half 6, so me and my husband do a range of things: we sit down and just talk, talk about our days, the kids, how the kids were throughout the day, and if our kids are doing things new, we'll talk about it and cuddle on the sofa. We might game together, sometimes we'll just boot up a game and just unwind, chill and talk as well play. We watch anime together if the evening. Or everyday this week we've had sex. It's always been important to us to have us time at the end of each day, so the routine our kids are in have massively helped that. It gives us time to do whatever and just have a break from chasing kids. We recently moved our son into his own room and he's took to that better than expected. My husband also has a thing when we're talking together about our days, he likes to give me a foot and leg massage." – GoodGriefStarPlat
9. "My husband and I like to stay up late to make time for each other. We do things for just the two of us after the kids go to sleep. We tend to take turns based on who needs what more. We both always have some sort of need to be met, so we address the ones taking the largest toll. I feel good when I do something that makes him happy, and he feels good when he does something that makes me happy. Working on the emotional aspect of the relationship can improve the physical aspect, which would benefit you both. You have to want to make your partner as happy as you want them to make you. When one spouse isn't feeling emotional needs are being met, chances are the other spouse feels the same way. Communication is key. 'I'd like to start making time for us to reconnect at the end of the day. I can think of examples that would help me feel more connected to you, but I also want to help you feel more connected to me. There are some things I'd like you to improve on, and I want to know if there's anything you would like me to improve on? Can we both agree on one thing we can do for each other to improve our emotional connection for one another?' – NapQueenBean
10. "Do a date night. We would go get something to eat. One time it was Taco Bell! Lol. And then go see a movie. It was enough to just get out of the house with dragging three kids with and eating cold food because I made sure they ate first." – tripmom2000
11. "We have always showered together. When we had our kids, it was a way to literally touch each other and talk even if it wasn’t leading to being intimate. It helped us stay connected when we were out of sorts." – BuffyTheMoronSlayer
12. "Couple things that worked/work for us: if you’re drained, lay on the same couch, it can be nice to just be close and together. Have a shot of something like a celebration you made it through the day - sometimes it’s enough to trigger chatting/sex. Stop putting so much pressure on nighttime - find other times of the day to be intimate (sex or conversation) I know not easy for everyone but I see a lot of couples act like the night time is the right time when there’s a lot of other waking hours in the day." –GorganzolaVsKong
13. "We always always cuddle before bed. Also we check in with each other a lot and communicate when we are stressed or overwhelmed, it really helps us feel like partners. This two things help us want to be intimate more I think." – sunshineandcats21
14. "I scratch my husband’s back and arms a few times a week. Or we snuggle and talk. All non-sexual! Just for physical touch and comfort. Every so often it leads to more. 15-20 minutes a day makes a big difference." – OrcishWarhammer
15. "Two kids. 6f and 7f. They’re 355 days apart and barely sleep through the night. We alternate bedtime routine. So one of us gets a mental break at night. Then once we are both showered, we lay in bed and cuddle up. Watch Harry Potter or something. Or we grab the computer and work on our businesses together. Or just each take an edible and relax. We don’t force intimacy on each other but we have an amazing sex life. When it happens, it’s usually a week or 2 straight of crazy fun times every night or any free moment. Then usually a week or 2 of slow down and not much action. Then it kicks back in again. I think our key is taking the pressure off of it and saying it has to happen every week. Or every Tuesday." – djyosco88
A man and woman cuddling together in bed.
Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash
16. "One of the best things we've ever done is take a shower together when we're feeling disconnected. It's not (usually) for sex purposes, but we'll turn off the lights, light a candle, play some music, and shut out the rest of the world for a little while. We'll wash each other, chat about our days, just hang on to each other for a while, and no matter what has gone on through the day, we always feel closer afterwards!" – NinePoundHammer27
17. "My husband and I talk to each other most of the day. I’m a SAHM of 3 and he works 6 days a week. But we are constantly texting each other. Laughing, or joking or complaining about something or interesting and mundane things. I feel like it helps us stay connected throughout the day so we don’t feel disconnected at then end rushing to find some connection with one another. I get being touched out. It took me having three kids to figure out that yes my kids can overstimulate me. But I get a sense of calm and peace just hugging my husband from behind and smelling him. lol weird I know. And of course the random butt slaps or pinches from him AND from me. Even with the kids pulling us in different directions and loud noises we always manage to find a way to talk to one another. Put the baby down somewhere safe and go hug your husband. Or lay together in bed put on a kid show or and just hang out together. Talking. When the baby is sleep spoon one another if you don’t have the energy for nothin else. If you do.. go to another room and enjoy one another or just go sit and cuddle with one another." – Imaginary_Music_3025
18. "We sit at the table together and eat, he gets home late so eats after the kids get home and I save some for myself so he’s not eating alone. We talk about our days at the table and then go sit on the couch beside each other, or we snuggle (we always sit on the same couch which I think helps a lot) and we watch a show together. Something we can both comment on and be engaged in is always a win." – WorkChemical2650
19. "My husband and I got in a rut postpartum of sitting on the couch and watching junky tv and/or playing video games. We both set goals for this year to transition that time into listening to music together and reading and/or playing a board game or doing a puzzle together. Then we can still kind of zone out but it’s healthier and more interactive." – hermitheart
person holding white ceramic mugs
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20. "Some of it is just time. Your body is still healing. There's very little support for families in our society. You could hire a babysitter or housekeeper if you have the money to help relieve some of the work. You can call up family and friends to help if you have that network. If you don't, sometimes you just go without. Sometimes needs are not meant. So prioritizing is important. Kids needs first, then adult needs. Don't hold resentment towards each other, Just know this is a short period of time in the long run. My dh and i would do things like have a 5 minute conversation about something other then kids or work every day for 30 days. Hug everyday. Give a compliment to each other every night. Small things go a long way." – PaymentMedical9802
21. "Every night after kiddo is in bed we cook dinner together and then chill in the TV room watching movies together and working on our Lego city. Having an ongoing joint project that's just for us is quite nice." – Forsaken-Ad-1805
Megan didn't get the dance she thought she would, but got something better instead.