Queen Elizabeth II famously said, "Grief is the price we pay for love." Processing the death or loss of a loved one is a painful yet shared human experience. A young woman visiting New York City named Mandy Mohan has opened up about the painful experience of grieving her dad following a prompt by We're Not Really Strangers, a purpose-driven card game. In the video, Mohan picks a card that asks her to share, "Today I'm Struggling With ____." Her vulnerable story has impacted millions on TikTok.
She begins to describe that she is struggling with the vacation after the death of her dad 3 years ago. "Today I'm struggling with the fact that I'm in New York City, and the last time I was here I was on a family vacation with my dad," as her voice starts to crack. "And he's been gone coming up on three years. And I keep seeing things he would like or things that I would want to tell him about. And just realizing I can't."
She adds, "Grief is really weird because it doesn't get easier. You just learn to cope with it. But I'm having a really hard time coping with it in this city in particular." She wipes away tears as she walks away. It really resonated with people dealing with grief in the comments.
Her story resonated with many TikTokers. One noted, "Grief is just love with no place to go", and another shared, "🥹 the pain in her voice ❤️." Another poignant comment reads, "You never move past grief, you move with in it."
Others opened up about their own experiences with grief. "I know that feeling all too well. Being in a place with so many memories can be beautiful and heartbreaking. Sending you strength." Another wrote, "I wish I could hug you! Jan 8 will be the 3-year mark since I lost my dad. When I was doing Christmas shopping, I saw so much stuff he would have LOVED, and I broke down in Walmart a couple of times. 😭"
a woman holds her hands over her face
Photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash
If you are struggling with grief during this time, May Han, a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) practicing at Spark Relational Counseling in West Portland, Oregon, Washington, and Illinois, offers three tips to help you through it.
Tip #1: Grieve in small chunks
If the emotion of grieving feels like it is too much to process all at once, Han suggests budgeting some time in your day to grieve in small chunks at your own pace.
"Depending on how you feel, you can start by allowing 5 minutes each day at a time and place where you feel safe to get into touch with your emotions," she told Upworthy. "Be with things that brings you comfort and let your emotion flow freely during the grieving time. For example, think of memories of the loved one or journal. And know that you can always return to this special time the next day."
Tip #2: Sharing with a safe person the passed one's stories
You shouldn't move through grief completely alone.
"Sharing with someone that you know will not judge you your favorite memories with that loved one will help with the grieving process," Han told Upworthy. "By letting someone witness our stories, we are processing the emotions in a healthy way. It also create a connecting feeling, in that even though the loved one is no long with us physically, their impact in our lives carries on."
Tip #3: Practice self-compassion
One way to do this is to respond to yourself and your emotions like talking to a small child.
"It is very normal to experience difficult emotions such as anger, denial, or sadness when grieving. Practice self-compassion by talking to those vulnerable emotions the way you would talk to a young child," says Han.
To do this, Han encourages you to practice normalizing your emotions, with phrases like, 'I know that you are feeling very sad/hurt/ upset. It is totally normal to feel this way, as you loved XXX so much.'
"Creating space to just let the emotion be in a friendly, light, compassionate way will help the emotion take its own course to ride the waves," she adds. "And every time we are able to let ourselves ride the waves, we are one step closer towards acceptance and healing."
Whitney Carpenter with a patient in one of her custom port shirts