If you struggle with feeling insecure or anxious in social settings, you're not alone. You probably dread attending social events, putting yourself in unfamiliar places with unfamiliar faces, or all together avoiding trying new things–which can be really lonely.
To put it bluntly, social anxiety can be crippling–and prevent you from truly connecting with others. On the flip side, it can prevent others from truly getting to know you.
Working on the root of your insecurities and anxieties in social settings can help you communicate genuinely with others and not dreading every social interaction–whether that's at work, with new friends, or even family. Getting advice from people who feel confident and secure in themselves is a great place to learn new tools to overcome insecurities and social anxiety. If you are rarely comfortable in social settings, here are 16 helpful social hacks from confident people to help you feel present and truly enjoy yourself when you're out.
1. "Understand that everyone else is insecure. You think they are judging you but really they are worried you are judging them.
What’s the difference between a confident person and you on the outside. Nothing. It’s all in your head. So just start acting that way. Start changing your posture. Understand how to be a better conversationalist practice. You have a lifetime of bad habits to change confidence is a feeling but also how you act." – PracticeSilent4702
2. "This is how my dear friend helped me with redirecting my social anxiety. I had every symptom under the sun, couldn't speak in groups, couldn't walk past strangers, if the only interaction that day was with the caissière trust me i had that convo min 400times. So it was pretty settled in, hard to lose. Until she asked me 'does the world revolve around you?' I was so offended, of course not!!. She then explained for someone with such low self esteem or confidence and anxiety, i could fill my entire day being busy with how others perceived me. Even people who didn't even notice me walking past them. Its a tough one, but it helped me redirect my thinking." – Patient-Effect-4451
3. "What helped me SIGNIFICANTLY socially is just paying attention to other people more than my inner self-talk. Everyone is thinking of themselves way more; even when they are talking to you or even questioning you. To the point I almost feel invisible. We are only actors, barely anyone tries to see within. 95% of people are mostly just thinking of themselves." – SecretZucchini
three men in jacket laughing at each other
Photo by Jed Villejo on Unsplash
4. "Focusing on the present moment and reminding yourself that everyone makes mistakes helped me a lot. Also, setting small, achievable social goals can boost confidence over time!" – CaregiverOk9411
5. "I started with 'how to make friends and influence people' that book changed my life. Literally. Don’t try to change your overthinking right now, that will come with time. Instead, channel your intellect and analytical mind towards the conversation and the other person. People find you more interesting when you let them talk, believe it or not. It’s funny how you can really do so little and get so much back. But having conversational tools will allow you to get past yourself and leverage your skills in the moment." –theLWL222
6. "Everyone is awkward/boring/uninteresting sometimes, everyone says stupid sh*t sometimes, everyone makes social faux-pass. They are just not dwelling on that! just move on, nobody cares! You don’t have anything interesting to bring to the table? No worries! just ask questions about the last thing someone said. Or ask how they feel about that, or tell them how cool that was!" – Myfakemustache
7. "I don't exactly have insecurities, but i do overthink sometimes in social situation. My best strategy is just be in those social situation, try to not think, let my intuition guide me, and then i train my brain to know it's okay to just be and even not think at all... which i believe most pp do, they don't think. Then, see what the worst can happen, knowing even the worst... i'm more likely still survive and be okay.... even better than okay." – Head-Study4645
8. "Overthinking in social situations can be such a hard cycle to break, especially when self-doubt takes over. Something that helps is reminding yourself that most people are too focused on themselves to judge you as much as you think they are. Shifting the focus from 'How am I coming across?' to 'What can I learn about this person?' can ease the pressure and make interactions feel more natural. Start small, like focusing on one genuine question to ask during a conversation, and let it grow from there. It’s also okay to pause and breathe when your mind starts to spiral." – Shot-Abies-7822
three women sitting wooden bench by the tulip flower field
Photo by Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 on Unsplash
9. "Absolutely. Our minds need something to think about, so "not thinking about it" has never really helped me. One thing that has helped me was creating my personal highlight reel. Whenever something good happens to me (or I do something good), I write down: * What it was and * Why it was good. And whenever I need a confidence boost, I look at my highlight reel. It's amazing how looking at our highlights can rewire our mind and build confidence. Most times, what's going on in our minds are our lowlights -- which, not surprisingly creates self doubt. Try it out for a week! It's not a quick fix, but trust me, you'll feel different." – tolarewaju3
10. "Focus Outward Instead of Inward. One big mindset shift is to turn your attention toward the other person instead of worrying about how you’re coming across. Be curious about them—ask open-ended questions or actively listen to their stories. This takes the pressure off you and helps build natural connections." – challengersclub_
11. "Challenge Negative Thoughts. When you catch yourself thinking, “They’re judging me” or “I’m not interesting,” stop and challenge those thoughts. Ask yourself: Is there actual evidence for this? Most of the time, people are too busy worrying about themselves to judge you. Replace negative thoughts with affirming ones, like “I’m doing my best to connect, and that’s enough.” – challengersclub_
12. Practice Small Social Wins. Build confidence by starting small—smiling at someone, saying “hi” to a stranger, or making a quick comment like, 'Nice weather today!' These little interactions help desensitize you to the fear of judgment and create momentum." – challengersclub_
woman in brown sunglasses and brown shirt
Photo by Jonah Brown on Unsplash
13. "To clear one thing, people do not judge you or find you uninteresting. You're thinking that they do. People see you as quiet or an introvert. If you want yourself to change drastically you focus on what's bad and so you take hits on your confidence. Just accept the situation as it is, don't hyperfocus on drastic personal growth and instead see every 'mistake' as a learning moment. Try social things you find scary. Start slowly by going on a walk and say just a simple hello to people who you come across. If that works for you, move on to other small social things you may find scary. One thing at a time. You're not going to fix it immediately. This is a process. So don't ever beat yourself up if you're getting stuck into your head." – Quintenkw
14. "Highly recommend reading 'The Courage to be Disliked'. It's about philosophy and format is a little tough to digest but it's got great points on why we shouldn't get in our head when interacting with others." – DJ_Jonga
15. "I realized that I don't like every person I meet and that it's not actually a judgment on them as a person, they just aren't 'my people'. So, when someone doesn't like me, it's not necessarily a judgment on me as a person. I'm just not for them, which is fine! So now I just do my thing, be myself, and trust that the right people will find me. I think shifting the way I looked at it made me a lot more confident in being myself and in handling rejection." – opaqueelephant
16. "I started listening to confidence affirmations every morning before work. It’s on YouTube. 💕 It helped more than I expected!" – Sonoran_Eyes
Chris Hemsworth on a panel at Comic Con, described by one co-star as "not very good looking". 
