Love isn’t a business transaction, but one boyfriend apparently didn’t get the memo. When one woman shared her story, the internet was left cringing and cheering her on after she dumped her boyfriend for giving her a performance review—just like a boss would with an employee. Instead of talking through relationship concerns like a normal person, he decided to critique her ‘performance’ as a girlfriend, complete with a folder of written notes. The reaction? Exactly what you’d expect.
The relationship audit no one asked for
The couple had been together for three years, living in a modest apartment that worked for them. According to the girlfriend, Mark always had quirks—like folding his socks into little balls and getting upset if she didn’t do it the same way.
"I deal with it because I love him, you know?" she said.
But recently, Mark had become obsessed with “optimizing” their lives, thanks to a string of self-help YouTube channels. The influencers he followed preached that “relationships are about ROI” and that partners should “add value” to each other’s lives.
So, naturally, he decided to put those theories into practice—with a relationship performance review.
"So last week, we’re eating dinner, and out of nowhere, he goes, 'I think we need to have a performance review for our relationship.' I’m like, 'A WHAT now?'" she recalled.
Representative photo by Eric Ward | Unsplash
The cringe-worthy ‘review’ that ended it all
At first, she thought he was joking, but when Mark pulled out a folder, she realized he was dead serious.
"This man wrote up a whole list of stuff I need to 'improve on' like I’m a bad employee or something."
His “constructive criticism” included points like:
- "You’ve been slacking on cooking meals."
- "Your gym attendance is inconsistent."
- "You don’t fold my socks the right way, which shows a lack of attention to detail."
Her initial shock turned into anger when she asked if he had also reviewed his own performance. His response?
"Well, I don’t think that’s necessary because I’m already doing a lot."
She dumps him on the spot
Realizing that Mark truly saw their relationship as some kind of business contract, she refused to play along.
"I said, 'Mark, I’m your girlfriend, not your employee. And if you want 100%, maybe try being a 100% boyfriend first.' I grabbed the folder and threw it in the trash."
Instead of owning up to his bizarre behavior, Mark accused her of being “emotional” and “not open to constructive criticism.” His best friend even chimed in, saying she should have “heard him out” because it was a “unique approach” to relationships.
Needless to say, that “unique approach” got him dumped immediately.
Representative photo by Zoltan Tasi | Unsplash
Internet reacts: ‘Put him on a performance improvement plan’
Reddit users had a field day with this story, offering both support and savage suggestions for how she could have flipped the script on Mark.
Image Source: Reddit | u/sparksgirl1223
u/Stormy8888 suggested turning the tables:
"List all the areas he could improve to be a 100% boyfriend. For everything he put in his performance review about her, she should put in three or four bullet points where he has to improve."
Image Source: Reddit | u/corgi-king
Others recommended business-style revenge, with u/Spiritual_Region_841 proposing:
u/spinjinn didn’t hold back either:
"At the top of the list put his tone-deaf and tactless way of approaching criticism, as evidenced by the fact that he thinks he didn’t need a report."
A breakup that felt more like ‘getting fired’
The girlfriend might have lost a boyfriend, but it’s clear she dodged a bullet.
If Mark’s idea of relationship communication involved spreadsheets and “constructive criticism”, it’s safe to say she’ll be better off without him.
Sometimes, the best performance review you can give is a “thanks, but no thanks.”
Representative Image Source: Pexels | Mikhail Nilov
Representative Image Source: Pexels | Tima Miroshnichenko
