Kids often look at their parents like superheroes–strong, confident and indestructible. But of course, they are human. And with that comes feeling and expressing emotions, some that are sad and heavy–especially when dealing with the loss of a loved one.
And Instagrammer Ashley Lemieux (@ashleyklemiuex), a grief expert who has her Masters in Science with an emphasis in Grief and Bereavement, shared why she believes kids should see their parents cry.
In the video, Lemieux shares a conversation she had with her toddler while baking a pie for her grandpa who has been sick. While she was baking, she became emotional and started to cry. She tells her toddler, "I love you. Mommy's crying because I love great grandpa so much. I want him to feel better and I'm going to miss him," she explains.
Her toddler sweetly says to her, "I can help you! I can get you applesauce!" She responds, "You can get me applesauce? That's so kind. Is that what you like when you're a little bit sad? Thank you for thinking of that for me," she says. Her toddler hugs her as the video ends.
"Many parents want to hide their tears from their kids, and of course we do. It’s been shown that up to 90% of parents don’t know how to talk about grief with their kids, nobody has taught us how and we can barely do it with ourselves!" she wrote in the post's caption.
However, she believes that crying in front of your kids is actually a positive tool to building their own emotional resilience and intelligence. Lemieux shared four reasons why she allows herself to cry in front of her toddler as both an expert in grief and bereavement and as a mom:
It helps them better trust their intuition. "When they notice your feelings and what they perceive to be happening is validated, it teaches them their instincts can be trusted and are accurate," she wrote.
It teaches them that emotions are normal. "And that sadness, like any other emotions, doesn’t need to be hidden or feared," she wrote.
It creates emotional safety. "When you acknowledge your feelings, it helps your child learn it’s safe for them to do the same. It shows them they’re allowed to express themselves in the home and it deepens connection and trust," she wrote.
It helps them build empathy. "My 2 year old thought to get me her favorite snack of applesauce to 'help me,' and then kept hugging me. This helps them build compassion and emotional intelligence," she wrote.
The video got an emotional response from her followers who shared their personal experiences in the comments. "My 15 year old son saw my crying two days ago. He stopped in his tracks and said, “happy or sad tears?” When I said sad, he made me a cup of tea, sat with me, put his arm around me—and asked if I could tell him what happened. I hope that he is always so nurturing and kind when he sees sad tears in others 🥹🤍," one wrote.
Another shared, "Yes! When my daughters ask me why I’m crying, I’ll say 'mommy is having a really tough time right now.' Or 'mommy is really (angry, sad, anxious, etc.)'. I think it’s so important they see us be human! My 9 year old gave me a huge hug the other day when I was crying and told me “you’re a good mom”. I’m glad I gave her the opportunity to encourage me without hiding my feelings from her❤️."
Sadly, Lemieux's great grandpa recently passed away. She shared the news on Instagram, with a touching post dedicated to him. In it, she shared five intentional things she learned from him during his life.
And to help other parents dealing with grief and loss, she followed up the post with how to talk to kids about it. She referenced her toddler's question to her, "I miss great grandpa. I want to play with him, where is he?"
And her followers were grateful for her advice. "This is incredibly helpful and important advise. As a parent you never know when you need to navigate this so thank you for sharing 🫶," one wrote.
And another added, "This came across my feed at exactly the right moment as I prepare to tell my children that my mom is dying. Thank you so much."
